"Do You Believe in Miracles?" Finale Reaction

Last night (May 20th, 2014) I watched my very first Supernatural Finale as it aired. Up until that point my only experience watching the epic finales of years past was on Netflix. And I could easily skip the whole "Hellatus" that most experienced in the summer and easily slide right into the next season premiere. But alas, those days are over. I have caught up to the rest of the fandom and now sit in wait for the next 146 days (yes there is already a countdown) until the premiere of the 10th season in October. Sure I graduated with a college two degrees in American Studies/Media Analysis and could look at this show and the finale through that lense. But this blog isn't always going to be academic. My brain isn't always critiquing media in this way. Especially for the shows that hold a special place in my heart. Supernatural is one of those precious shows that I can't extract my emotions from. It's too close. The rest of this post is SPOILER HEAVY so if you haven't watched the episode, turn away. You have been warned!! 

So let's get on with my thoughts on last night's finale: The episode continued directly from last week's almost-death of Gadreel when Dean sliced his torso with the First Blade. He's wanted to get that guy since he killed Kevin. So it makes sense that his rage from that now combined with the blood lust the Mark of Cain pumping through his veins caused him to lash out to violently against what he believes is the cause of so much hurting in his life. Dean is clearly not in the right mindset and we've known that for a while now. We know that on a much deeper level, Dean is hurt by Sam's words earlier in the season. Now I'm not fully going to defend Dean's actions in saving Sam... or really even touch on the first few episodes of the season and that whole fight. But I hope we all can see that Dean was affected by Sam's admission that he wouldn't save Dean in those same circumstances. I have always held it to be true that Sam was saying most of that out of his own anger. I have done that myself. I've said things that really hurt the people I love the most, simply because I'm hurting inside my own heart. It's not right. But it happens. That's exactly what I believe happened between Sam and Dean. Sam was mad that he had no choice in the matter (which is equally understandable and not 100% true...discussion for another time) and so he figured he would tell Dean a hard truth that he KNEW would hurt him profoundly. 

[side note:] These brothers also show love to one another in very different ways. Being an older sibling, I default to understanding Dean's motivation. I protect my brother above most everyone in my life. Dean is even more extreme because Sam is the only person he has left. Sometimes that makes him do crazy things. 

Now let's discuss those last minutes. GOD THOSE LAST MINUTES. I have to say, that my heart always leans towards Dean, always has throughout the entire show. And to see my Dean die in such a painful and heartbreaking way. It was rough. Here's a guy, who has given everything he has for this life. He saw his mother burning on the ceiling. He protected his brother and gave away his soul just so Sammy would continue breathing. He suffered through Hell and the guilt of being the one person who began the apocalypse. He watched his brother take down Lucifer and throw himself into the pit so he could save the world. He's always fought against the demons. And now he is one. Let me repeat, Dean is now a demon. He can be summoned. He can be burnt with Holy water. Hunters will want to kill him. On one intense level, I'm mourning the death of human Dean. That sentence alone breaks my heart. But on another level, this is really exciting stuff. We'll get to see what Demon!Dean is like and how Dean acts when he has this power and (assuming) no Soul. This is new and interesting stuff that Jensen could really do wonders with! I mean, we've seen Sam be a million different people, so I'm super excited to see how Jensen does this. THANKFULLY I've seen some posts on tumblr that have actually intrigued my curiosity in the possibility of them playing into the more humorous side of this whole thing. Like this:

Dean joking that he has "something in his eye" and has them go black. 

First, I want to say that I'm constantly amazed that this show can evoke such strong emotions with their fans after NINE seasons! Most of the finales have included one brother dying and the other sacrificing himself to bring the other back. And yet we still get riled up because it's still something new and exciting (and more than anything...heartbreaking). We are still affected by these brothers and their plight, their love, and their lives. No I'm not into "wincest" but I do believe they love each other deeply. As brothers...

I don't think it's all going to be fun and games now that Dean is a demon (a Knight of Hell demon mind you!). There are going to be real consequences and struggles both Winchesters will have to go through come season 10. But that's for another post. Now let's talk about death...

This show is always dealing with death through a variety of ways. Whether it's loss of love, hope, purpose or the ultimate loss of life. Last night we saw one brother succomb to death after being stabbed by Metatron (..I HATE THAT GUY) while the other brother mourned the loss of his brother. The brother he spent so much of this season angry with. The one that he shut out and put space between for nearly the entire last half of the season. Don't get me wrong, I see why he did it and I don't blame him for it. But isn't that just how life is? You realize your true feelings when you see it slipping away from you. I noticed a change in Sam when he realized Dean wasn't 100% himself and he began to draw closer to him (slowly). But once he saw the angel blade stuck in his older brother's chest, we saw that look. The look that says, Oh God...not my brother.

And then there's Dean. He spent half of the season worried about Sam's healing and the other half trying to make up for the lies he told and consequences he's faced. It was a lonely last half of the season for Dean Winchester. When Sam found out about Gadreel's possession, he pushed Dean away, and we all know how badly Dean deals with life without Sam. NOT WELL. He did what he's done in the past: threw himself into work, drinking, and trying to make things "right". And that drove him right into the hands of Cain and receiving his "mark". Which leads me to the quote below:

"Listen to me...it's better this way"

"What..?"

"The mark. It's making me into something I don't want to be"

One of the more heartbreaking parts of the finale was hearing Dean say those words. "It's better this way". He finally acknowledges the blades affect on him outloud. Knowing Dean's tendencies, this is also his default scenario. He always feels that he should be the one to die. He's felt that way since Season 2 when his dad died just so Dean could live. He's carried that with him. Plus now he's depressed, lonely, feels responsible for Kevin's death, and to top it off he has "no brother" according to their previous conversations about working partners vs. being brothers. And he knows he's becoming evil. He's no good to anyone now (in his mind). So yea, to Dean, it is better this way. *cries ugly tears* 

The last thing I'll say regarding that quote is this: How much more it hurts now that we know the end. He never wanted to become a demon. That was never discussed as a possibility when Cain gave him the mark. Hell...he's spent his entire life fighting/killing/exorcising those sons of bitches. 

AND NOW HE IS ONE OF THEM. 

That. 

It ruins me. 

When I tear up looking at pictures or watching clips of "human" Dean, I weep. I mourn the loss of Dean and how this will forever change him. Yes I'm sure they'll cure him eventually and he'll be human again. But you can't tell me this will be forgotten or easily thrown away. This will forever change who he is and what makes him Dean Winchester.






*sobs*